I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
