update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
