so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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