I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
