i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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