I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
