you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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