john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
