Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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