I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Soap is not a condiment
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
