I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
3 2 1 whiskey
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
