Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
