So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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