He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
