Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
