You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
accomplished twins. life is a go
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
