need another drink. this is the easiest way
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
