I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
