finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
last night I used snow as a chaser
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize