Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
