we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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