So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I see more hoeing in ur future
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