anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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