whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
