I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
