Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
BRING THE BAGELS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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