hotel room ftw
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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