I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
