I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
