put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
