Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
