I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
