God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
