He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
