she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
