dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
