I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
