I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
