my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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