Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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