I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
