Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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