I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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