I'm going to jail i love you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
