I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
