I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
