my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
