Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm always down for nudity.
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