i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
