butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
