Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
