I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
