so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
