he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
