Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
