Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
