I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
