my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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