Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
