when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
