My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
