can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
