I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize