SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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