I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize