my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
