My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
