Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
