I can tuck mytits in my pants
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
