Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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