go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
