D3 body, D1 cock
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
