i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
