woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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