The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
