I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
