I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
