A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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