i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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