I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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