she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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