You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
