Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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