So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
