Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
