Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wish my penis had a tongue
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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