Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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