Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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