Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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