9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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