I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
