Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
