Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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