this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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