Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
