I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
