i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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