Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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