Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I believe in your delicious
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
