I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
