dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize