U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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