mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
