I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need moral support for this bender
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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