I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FUCK WHALES
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
