I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize