I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
