Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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